About What Was Lost
Last night I scanned the bedside table where a handful of books are piled up: The Namesake (I want to read this before seeing the movie), my sister-in-law’s copy of The Other Boleyn Girl (can you believe I haven’t read this yet?), The Imaginary Girlfriend (John Irving’s memoir that I found in a used book store).
My eyes keep falling to one book: About What Was Lost.
I don’t know.
I should want to read it, but another part of me wants that book to stay away. I interviewed a lovely writer a few months ago, and she suggested it after I told her about my miscarriage. It’s an anthology of 20 writers who share their pain of miscarriage, healing, and hope.
I picked it up. By page xvii I was a mess. These were not a few tears. Oh, no. I was upset.
I let the book drop onto the floor and it sort of flopped under the bed. Fine by me. I’m not ready for it yet.
posted by Jenny at 9:46 AM
6 Comments:
Jenny, I had a miscarriage before I had my son. I understand all of the emotions that this brings. I decided to keep nothing but positive writing and images (and people) around me until I got my mind and emotions in a solid place. I would avoid the book for now. Put your mind on what you DO want and seek joyful stuff.
My 2 cents!
10:59 AM
Thanks Kathryn. Good advice!
11:09 AM
Big hugs.
12:05 PM
Different books at different times, Jenny. Don't push yourself into something you're not ready for.
I continue to hold you and your desire for a child in my heart and in my prayers.
And I'd be happy to talk with you about my experiences with adoption. Surely a lot has changed in the last 25 years, but I might know something helpful.
5:42 PM
Jenny,
If we hadn't lost our first one, we wouldn't have "these two." The timing would have been different. Different DNA mix, etc.
One day it's all going to make sense.
Your baby has you in it's sights. Believe it.
Much love to you. I'm sorry it hurts so much.
1:57 PM
Wow Michelle, I just sat down to write those very words and then read yours. Jenny, I had a miscarriage between each of my three and looking now at my yougest two and knowing they wouldn't be here without that other loss helps me to understand. I watch my daughter...lover of all creatures, spokeswoman for the underdog and truly know the world is a better place with her in it. There is a plan for you and your heart will be so ready when your child finally comes.
Keeping you in my prayers.
8:23 AM
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