Keeping the Faith
Me: Hey Hubby, check out our Christmas party invitation before I send it out.
Hubby: Why don't we call it a holiday party?
Me: Because honey, we're Christians.
Hubby: But not all our friends are Christians. Don’t you think it’s insensitive to call it a Christmas party?
Me: We’ll have a tree with a star on top. Angel decorations. Joy to the World will be blaring on the stereo. The whole reason we're throwing the party is to celebrate Christmas. Well, that and for a good excuse to make peanut butter buckeyes.
Hubby: But we're inviting Jewish friends.
Me: Should we throw a Christmahanuk party?
Hubby: What about our friends of other faiths?
Me: A Christmahanukkwanzaa party?
Hubby: Hmmm.
Me: I can’t believe you’re actually considering that. I’m taking a poll on my blog!
Results of Blog Poll:
- “Call it a Christmas party. I’m honored when people of other faiths invite me to their celebrations and I’d NEVER expect another person to call it something different to make me feel more comfortable.”
- “Call it a Christmas party. If I were invited to a Kwanzaa party, I’d be psyched! I would never want anyone dumbing down what THEY celebrate.”
- “I usually say holiday party on the invite, but I slip and call it a Christmas party.”
Me: See, look at the poll results. I won!
Hubby: Those are all your bloggy friends. Of course they’re going to say that.
Later, in bed . . .
Hubby: Are you upset?
Me: Sort of. I mean, I can’t believe we're at odds about this. I expect disagreements over which radio station to play in the car, or whether we should set the thermostat to 72 or 82, but not whether we should invite others into the intimacy of our home – our Christian home – for a party and then disguise it as some generic holiday event.
Hubby: All I’m saying is that last year we threw a Christmas party and not a single one of our Jewish friends came. And neither did the Indian couple we invited. The ones who are Sikhs.
Me: They had other plans.
Hubby: So they said.
The sun went down.
I was still mad.
So was Hubby.
The next morning we were right back where we started, arms in the air, fists poised. Or, at least, mine were.
Me: When we got married we threw a Christian wedding. Our invitations quoted a bible verse. We took our vows before God. We said all sorts of prayers, and people of all sorts of faiths came to our wedding.
Hubby: But-
Me: What are we going to do if we throw a birthday party for our kid but one of his neighborhood friends who he invites practices a religion that doesn’t celebrate birthdays? Are we going to have a cake and presents but refuse to call it a birthday party in case we offend his little friend? Huh? Huh?
Hubby: What are you talking about? We don’t even have kids.
Me: That’s not the point!
Hubby: Call the party what you wish. Really. If you think we should call it a Christmas party, I guess it's okay.
Suddenly, I didn’t feel like throwing a party anymore – Christmas or otherwise. When Hubby left for work, I sat at my computer stewing. Why was this issue important to me? Why did I feel the need to be right? Why couldn’t I give an inch and chose to respect Hubby’s opinion, even if I disagreed with it? I redrafted the invitation. I titled it “Celebration” and invited our guests to join us for the season of peace, love, and joy. All faiths can do that right? Besides, it seemed like the Christian thing to do.
posted by Jenny at 6:58 PM
16 Comments:
With all due respect to every faith out there, my wife and I are always going to call Christmas what it is. I have to agree with you on this one. It is a Christmas party. It is the Christmas season. The largest religion in the world is Christianity. But that doesn't trump other religions. No one should be renaming a religious event. It scales the value of that event down by disrespecting it. As you said, you wouldn't expect other religions to rename their 'celebrations' in honor of your presence. I'm with you...Merry Christmas...
10:14 PM
How is a 'new American' supposed to work out the 'right thing to do' if the established Americans are havering?
Cheers. http://whitterer-autism.blogspot.com
1:05 AM
Wait, let me get on my soapbox . . . there.
The word "Holiday" is a pet peeve of mine. Living in England we were so pleasantly surprised to hear "Happy Christmas" emerging from the mouths of everyone from teachers to djs on the BBC and even strangers on the street. That does so much more to warm a dreary body than a simple "Hiya." Christmas is still valued as a cultural event and it permeates everything this time of year. Our kids were even in a NATIVITY play last year at the PUBLIC school with Mary and Joseph (who remained at the side of the stage in tears so it was actually Mary and a shepherd) and the whole crew.
Your blog brought to mind 2 invitations that we accepted ourselves. One was to a Friday night Sabbath meal and the other to a lunch with Muslim ladies. The Friday dinner was a full Jewish event with prayers sung in Hebrew and the whole deal. It was just us and this couple and they didn't hold back, and we really appreciated it. We felt comfortable asking questions and had so much respect for them for their transparency. The other event, my neighbor in Ohio, Nida who is from the middle east, called me one day and said that she thought I needed a "cultural experience," to which I heartily agreed. She invited me to lunch with 5 Muslim women, all from different countries. I asked what I should wear (they don't even open the windows unless they are covered head to toe) and she replied, "Just come as you are." Because she was so open in her invitation I felt comfortable asking questions. All but one woman fell into easy conversation with me. I learned a lot about them and dispelled some stereotypes about Americans and Christians that they had. Of course I remain an infidel, but one that she respects enough to be open and honest with. The thought that plagued me after was "how many times do I do that - invite other people into Christian circles without considering if they would be offended." What should be the most important part of my life, and why should I even consider watering it down when I respect people more for including me in what they believe. I am probably the only person that sends Nida Christmas cards, but I know she appreciates me being open with her as well. Don't I send them to all my friends? Why should I even hesitate when it's sharing part of myself.
All that being said, I think you did the right thing. After 11 years of marriage I have become much more laid back (maybe I should rephrase that as 'not as neurotic'). I have come to realize that 'submit to one another' really means, if it's not vitally important, let the other person win. Anyway, if men are supposed to be the spiritual leaders there is a certain freedom in letting go of some decisions and saying, "okay, God, it's between you and him. I wash my hands of it." That is not belittling women, it's God's grace saying, "you women take on a lot and I'm not laying this on you as well. Give good advice, then let it go."
Okay, I'll step down now.
So, Happy Christmas and enjoy your celebration.
3:41 AM
What a thought provoking topic. I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon). One of the religions that leaves many outside our religion with lots and lots of questions. One of the main misconceptions of others is that we are not Christians. Our name says it better than anything. We have a lot of activities that I invite others to at Church and at home. When we have invited others to our home to share in a family event, we do as we always do, start our meals with prayer and in the evening before going to bed if we have a family prayer we ask if the visitors would like to join us or not. We are not offended if they say no. How many chances to they get to see how our religion acts? On the other hand if I am in someone else’s home and they are of another religion I am very interested in seeing how they do things at home. I don’t always agree but I respect them for following their own beliefs. Once my brother-in-law who is Catholic invited his parish priest over for dinner when I was visiting. While I declined the wine, I participated in their prayers (without crossing myself) and the priest and I had a great time comparing notes. He had never talked to someone of my faith and had LOTS of questions and he was able to answer some of mine. We always have the option to say no to an activity of another faith; I don’t have to go to a Bar Mitzvah if I were to find it offensive (I have gone several times). If you are friends with people, they respect who you are, the whole package. If you don’t stand up for your beliefs maybe your faith isn’t as strong as you think it is. However, your faith and beliefs aren’t shown by a title you give a party. It is shown by how you treat your beliefs in God, by how you treat your fellowman (husbands included), the standards you show and hold. I think you get my point. I am honored if a friend of any other faith thinks enough of me to ask me to participate in any activity that celebrates their religion.
9:13 AM
I love your ending--irony is a beautiful thing.
And Christmas parties are to die for--so much better than mere holiday parties, don't you think?
9:39 AM
Just call it Christmas-Fest 2006!
Or, how about Santa-Slam 2006.
How about Elven Midnight Maddness 2006?
http://jestersrap.blogspot.com/
9:44 AM
"A festivus for the rest of us!"
-not everyday I can quote George Costanza's father.
XO
10:44 AM
Wow - your story makes such a great point about what happens when principle collides with marriage. As I was reading, I was all set to jump up on the "Jesus is the reason for the season/Why should we have to lie" soap box. But then I realized that respecting your husband really is more Jesus-ey than forcing a Christmas tree into your neighbor's mailbox. Well done!
And yes, enjoy your celebration!!!
11:52 AM
What a thoughtful post, and such thoughtful comments. I look forward to hearing how the party goes!
PS: I can't WAIT to get Amy Sedaris's new book. "Welcome to my flap." LOVE IT!
11:57 AM
Great blog! I'm all for Christmas. That's what it is. It always amazes me that only Christians "offend" with their faith. No one else has any issues with talking about Jewish holidays or anything or anyone else, but mention Christ and people freak out. I agree 100% with you on this one, Jenny! MERRY CHRISTMAS- EARLY!!!
8:00 PM
I'm still mad at "Hubby". He seems like he's digging in just to dig in. Oh, wait, that's MY husband!
12:09 AM
Wow - some great questions and great comments. How far do we need to go to be culturaly sensitive without crossing the line of reason? I think you had a valid point in wanting to call it a Christmas party. Perhaps issuing the invitation and then following up with a personal phone call to your friends of other faiths, encouraging them that you want them there and that you respect their faith choices. A tough call when both you and your husband seemed firm in your convictions. I agree with what someone implied earlier - Jesus is probably more interested that you are loving and caring for your friends and honoring your husband than what word is printed on the invitation.
1:13 AM
As an observant Jew, the "holiday" season is always a bit disconcerting for me. I spend weeks shopping in stores surrounded by Christian holiday symbols, listening to Christian holiday music, receiving Christian holiday cards from people who do not understand that I do not celebrate Christmas. On the other hand, I love the decorations, the melodies and the peace and love concept that goes along with the holiday. I always enjoy going to the homes of my Christian friends to help them celebrate their holiday. It's their holiday and in their homes I do not expect them to try to make me feel comfortable by playing a Chanukah tune or tossing a dreidel on ground. I wish the shopkeepers didn't all wish me Merry Christmas but in your home, you can do what you want! I do not regard it as an indiscretion when someone invites me to a Christmas party in their home. In fact, I look forward to the opportunity to see the decorations and eat the foods that you typically eat on your holiday. I have even gone to Christmas Eve services at St. Patrick's cathedral in NYC (a breathtakingly beautiful and spiritual event). Please tell your husband that if a non-Christian declines an invitation to a Christmas party that he does not have to feel "guilty" about it. There might indeed be a non-Christian who would feel uncomfortable attending a religiously based celebration, so? Not your problem. You are not inviting them to proseltyze but to help you celebrate. In short, I think your husband is being toooooo sensitive at the wrong time. This is not a "Christian"
nation (as some politicians and clergy have in the past declared!) but YOUR home is a Christian home and you should be able to celebrate with your friends in your manner.
On the other hand, after 39 years of marriage (to the same person!), I have learned to pick my battles. And so have you!
Sharon
9:22 AM
Sharon,
This is great - I love these thoughts. Thanks for sharing. Hope you are doing well!
9:39 AM
GO CHRISTMAS!!!
5:30 PM
I think you just call celebrations what they are. If it's my birthday, I'll call it my birthday party. If it's Chinese New Year and I'm celebrating it, I'd call it a Chinese New Year celebration. If it was Divali, I'd call it Divali. If it's a christening, it's a christening. Dumbing down a special occasion to a "celebration" takes away the rightful attention from the person/event that is being celebrated in the first place!
11:28 AM
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