Miracle of Life

Ron and I are contemplating parenthood.

I said if I was going to give birth (potentially), I wanted to know ahead of time exactly what was in store.

We rented The Miracle of Life.

After watching gushing liquid, blood, and a baby covered in white goo emerge from a woman’s vagina, the first thing that popped into my mind was the line from Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts hunts down the snobby sales associate: “Big mistake. Big. HUGE.”

Meaning, it was a BIG mistake to rent that movie. Ignorance is bliss.

Ron chimed in too:

Ron: That (big pause) was gross.

Jenny: Ewww!

Ron: The thing that came out of that woman looked like a, a, a person.

Jenny: It was a person.

Ron: Yeah, but it looked like a person capable of talking. I half-expected the baby to say, “Whew, it was hot in there.” Or, “Whew it was crowded in there.”

We made a pact. If I ever do get pregnant and Ron witnesses that icky event – oops, sorry, the “miracle of life” – he is not allowed say, “That (big pause) was gross.” Instead, he’s only allowed to say, “That was beautiful.” (And my "Ewww" must turn to "Aww.")

He practiced his line, but his voice jumps two octaves when he lies. Hmm . . . good thing we’re still in the contemplation phase.