Ron's Choice

Five Reasons I’m Lucky Ron’s My Spouse

I asked my husband Ron what I should blog about this week, and this was his brilliant idea (technically I believed he phrased it as, “How Lucky I am to be Married to Ron”).

Here goes:

Five: My Toilet Paper Use Has Decreased. In my single days, I used a whole lot of toilet paper. Now, thanks to Ron, I only use lots. How, might you ask, did Ron become aware that I used too much TP? I asked myself the same question – especially since I swore I’d never go to the bathroom in front of my spouse. That rule ended shortly after our wedding when Ron burst into the bathroom to take a shower while I was on the pot unrolling a massive line of white squares. The point is, he helped me realize I can accomplish the job with half the amount.

Four: My Cooking Abilities Have Expanded. Long gone are the days I ate Cheerios for dinner and let my dog lap up the milk. With another mouth to feed, I took a few cooking lessons at Williams-Sonoma (they were wonderful, barring the salmonella). These days I whip up a plethora of dishes: spaghetti pie, Mexican lasagna, um . . . spaghetti pie. “What else do I cook?” I asked Ron. “Mexican lasagna,” he said. Tonight we’re having a variation of spaghetti pie. It’s called spaghetti.

Three: I Learned to Golf.

Here’s how to golf:

Step 1: Talk your spouse out of buying you the golf clubs on discount at Costco and into buying you Callaways, one of the most expensive brands on the market.

Step 2: Demonstrate that you’re truly dedicated to learning the game by treating your spouse to golf school.

Step 3: Relish in the luxury of the hotel room at the resort, gorge on the delicious food, soak in the Jacuzzi tub. Oh yeah, and crank those little white balls onto the fairway during lessons.

Step 4: After golf school ends, watch your game deteriorate – badly.

Step 5: When you flub a ball (99% of your shots), begin whacking your irons on the fairway.

Step 6: Repeat Step 5 except add dirty words.

Step 7: Quit.

Two: My Money Management Skills Have Improved. Ron, bless his heart, is cheap. Well, he’s frugal. Okay, he’s 50% frugal, 50% cheap. If there’s one unequivocal rule I've learned by observing Ron’s financial practices it’s this: it’s expensive to be cheap. Pick any topic and I’ll give you an example. Cars? Okay, the other day Ron and I were low on gas. Ron passed a gas station. Then another. Another. “I can’t believe these prices!” he cried. Then he said: “HaHa! Gas is two cents per gallon cheaper here,” and swerved into a shoddy looking station with the brand name GAS. “Do you realize you spent more money driving to sixteen gas stations than if you’d just filled up at the Chevron by our house?” I asked. Never mind the fact that the next day my car was making a strange clunk, clunk, clunk sound. See where I’m going here? Cheap, but expensive.

One: There are Too Many Reasons to Count. Time to get serious. Remember my toilet paper problem? Ron has taught me I don’t need to be excessive about anything and everything in life (what a relief!). Ron’s taught me to slow down and savor time – our fellowship at the dinner table (over my spaghetti pie) is a great example. Because of Ron, I’ve experienced new places, new activities, and new people – all wonderful (except for golf). Most importantly, he’s brought abundance into my life in ways that are much more meaningful than healthy finances. Thanks pumpkin!