The SAD Season
The first winter I lived in Maryland, I rarely left my bed. It was 2006, and my husband, Ron, and I had recently moved to Gaithersburg from Santa Monica, Calif. Uprooting our lives had been more difficult than I had anticipated, and I spent hours fused to my sheets. I dozed. I cried. But mostly, I laid flat on my back and stared at the ceiling. I missed California’s sun and warmth; Maryland was cold and gray. In Santa Monica, I had bounded out of bed each day, eager to walk along the beach before getting to work. Now it took hours for me to muster enough energy to propel myself into the shower, and then down the hall to my home office.
Though ashamed of my sluggish behavior, I had a good excuse. In addition to feeling homesick, I had suffered a miscarriage three weeks after the New Year. The loss had been hard. So I didn’t think much about the fact that I continued to nibble graham crackers in bed long after morning sickness was no longer an issue.
A February escape to Mexico helped. As I soaked up the rays, ocean rays lapping at my feet, my sadness subsided. A warm breeze lifted the weight from my chest. When I returned home, cherry blossoms were swirling. Color had returned to the world. I dismissed my seasonal depression as an anomaly. Then winter was back, and my symptoms were, too.
By my third winter, one thing was clear: there was a pattern to my depression, and that pattern perfectly described seasonal affective disorder (SAD)
. . . . . . .
To finish reading this piece, take a look at Bethesda magazine‘s Jan/Feb 2012 issue (on newsstands now).
A slightly different version of my article “The SAD Season” is also running in Arlington magazine. Ron and I moved to Virginia in the hopes it would be sunnier 30 miles south. The temperature is a little better, but the sky is just as gray. Thankfully, I’m finding the light (literally and figuratively).
I once worked with a girl who was bothered by sunlight. Rain and cloud cover lifted her spirits. How about you? Do you prefer the sun? Or overcast skies? Anyone up for a road trip to Arizona?
Book of the Month: Borderlines
I remember when this book came out (2004). I remember I wanted to buy it, but didn’t. Recently, I remembered that I’ve always wanted to read it. Brought it with me on Christmas break. Enjoyed the writing style, admired the narrative arc (it didn’t feel forced), and really liked reading about how the events in this book impacted the writer (it’s about a woman who becomes entangled with a friend who has Borderline Personality Disorder). By the end of the book, I liked seeing how the writer had matured — learned some life lessons and implemented changes. How about you? Did you read anything good over the holidays?
California Christmas: A Photo Blog
We went glamping in Big Sur
My mom and dad joined us on the trip. Our first adventure? Sea kayaking in San Simeon Cove. We paddled out to a kelp bed to play alongside harbor seals and sea otters. After an hour, I got seasick, but I didn't barf (thankfully). After a jaunt to a private beach where I recovered on dry land, I was fine for the rest of the excursion.
Hiking in Andrew Molera State Park
A California Brown Pelican hanging out on the rocks at Andrew Molera State Park
Waiting to be seated at Nepenthe
Cocktails at Nepenthe. The whales were migrating; everyone at the restaurant had fun looking for spouts.
Christmas Day we enjoyed a meal at Treebones with food from its organic garden. Treebones also has 16 chickens (no one gave me a pet chicken for Christmas, but one day...).
Before dinner on Christmas, we hiked out to Jade Cove in search of pretty green stones.
The easy start to the trail is deceptive. It gets steep and rocky fast. Ron held out a rope for me. I used it to scramble along the loose dirt.
I sat on this rock for ages* waiting for Ron to snap a picture. He wanted to capture the waves crashing onto the rocks behind me. The tide was going out, so he never got his perfect shot. Didn't matter. The day was glorious and the sights were stunning. *Contemplating the true Rock of Ages (Isaiah 26:4)
Picnic lunch at Sand Dollar Beach
My parents, each captivated by the beauty of the redwoods in Limekiln State Park.
McWay Falls at Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park. See it spilling into the Ocean in the background? The Ewoldsen Trail (our favorite) was closed. Boo hoo.
Ron on the Cypress Grove Trail at Point Lobos State Natural Reserve. Ron couldn't make sense of the Reserve's name since lobos means wolves. A docent explained that the Spanish explorers called it point of the sea wolves (sea lions).
Cypress trees along the Pacific. My picture doesn't capture the depth of color.
Jellyfish at the Monterey Bay Aquarium
And last but not least . . . plenty of reading time. Loved snuggling up in a deck chair with the sun on my face and a good book.
The Book Thing
For Ron’s birthday, we went to Baltimore for an early celebration. Enjoyed the symphony. Ate delicious food at the Black Olive restaurant, a romantic spot tucked along the cobblestone streets of Fells Point (the menu is a display of fish on ice – you pick out your little fellow and he’s filleted table side). Stayed overnight at an adorable Inn (owned by the same family that runs the restaurant). And to top it all off, we found The Book Thing.
The Book Thing is a huge warehouse full of books that the owner gives away for free. Every city should have a place like this. It’s a non-profit corporation. Volunteers collect and sort the donated books. The owner’s mission is to take orphaned books and put them into the hands of those who want them. Tonight I’m finishing up Only a Little Time: A Memoir of My Wife by Sidney L. Werkman (Little Brown, 1972). Ron chose a 1,237-page book on the history of the world. He says he’s going to tackle it in small chunks.
Book of the Month: The Chronology of Water
The Chronology of Water
My December book pick is The Chronology of Water by Lidia Yuknavitch. I almost didn’t post about it because a number of the passages are troubling. But the writing is so good.
The narrator says, “I want you to hear how it feels to be me inside of a sentence.”
And for 310 pages, I did.
Thank you Hawthorne Books & Literary Arts for publishing the work of independent voices. And thank you Lidia for writing.
Hobby
The Migrant Birds
One day I had to do a jigsaw puzzle. The urge came out of left field and took over my life. When I couldn’t find a puzzle that “spoke” to me, I was seriously disturbed. Then I found The Migrant Birds. I instantly fell in love with Charley Harper’s artwork. Plus, I was thrilled to learn about different bird species while snapping pieces together (there is code on the back of the box). Over a weekend I spent hours sorting little cardboard parts and making piles (edge pieces, bird eye pieces, bird beak pieces, white pieces, green pieces, brown pieces, star pieces). Then I began fitting them together. I was surprised at how time consuming a jigsaw puzzle can be . . . I had to pull myself away. One hour spent writing an essay granted me two hours on the puzzle (I should probably reverse that). All I want for Christmas is jigsaw puzzles. Have you ever started a hobby that seemed to come out of nowhere?
My Hospital Adventure
I went to the hospital and stayed overnight. It was a little adventure. I’ve never had to go to the hospital before (except for the day I was born). I was there for laparoscopic surgery as I continue to manage living with endometriosis.
The anesthesia made me super lovey dovey. In recovery, I sang praises to the doctor and the nurses. I asked one nurse to fetch my husband from the waiting room so I could tell him I was bursting with love for him.
Later, I ate Jell-O. Can’t tell you the last time I had that. I’d forgotten how good it tastes.
Ron’s favorite part was my IV pole, which he called my “sidekick.” I wheeled that thing all over the hospital on my “walks.” On my first walk, I was too ambitious. By the time I made it down to the big window on the opposite end of the hospital, I felt sick. I slumped in a seat while Ron went in search of a wheelchair. Back in my room, I hobbled to the bathroom, took forever to pee, and then got back into bed and ate more Jell-O. I realized this is what it must feel like to be old.
Now I’m back home. Still recovering. Over on my fertility blog, I talk about what book I’m reading. I’m looking for more recommendations if you have any.
Blogging from Scratch
photo credit Kara Fox
R.I.P. Roughly Speaking (2/7/06 – 9/22/11)
Initially, I was going to transfer all my old Roughly Speaking posts over here to the new website. I figured there was something to be said for having a blogging history that dated back to February 2006, shortly after I kicked off my career as a writer. But all those posts added up to a big file. All the exporting, converting, and importing kept crashing the webpage. After sleeping on the dilemma, I decided to start Roughly Speaking from scratch. I like the feeling of a fresh, clean page. Besides, I saved my old posts the old-fashioned way (hard copies). As I read through a handful of them, I wondered what in the heck people must have thought about a few entries. At least one person was amused all those years–me (as Smuffy* likes to say, I’m a legend in my own mind). I’m grateful to the people who started reading Roughly Speaking when I began the original blog, and I’m grateful to those who joined me along the way. Welcome to this new space as the next leg of Roughly Speaking’s journey begins.
*You’ve always wanted to know my husband’s nickname, haven’t you? Actually, he has more than one. This is my second fav.
New Website
Thank you to Will Amato for designing my new website. He did a great job. I feel all grown up and mature (yet in a fun, artistic way). Hope you’ll subscribe to Roughly Speaking and be a part of the conversation. Keep writing!